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Plenty of opportunities to develop the mind. I always have to be careful in these kinds of methods to guard my boundary, given my history with psychosis. Nevertheless, I do like the fluttering of the mind, letting my thoughts blow out, and shaping creative expressions to achieve goals with it.

No matter how big the experiences. How small my experiences can become when inferior feelings and over-/decompensation start to play a role. Difficult for me is to show my spirituality in a continuous wave. A lot of it is erratic, and a lot of it takes place as lifelong.

I used to find my way in school, sports and work. Nowadays I have to make do with the knowledge and awareness that these are chronic effects and I can’t always “get out of” them. Anxiously I sometimes look at the grandeur of insights, and belittled I walk on. Again, trusting in what is there.

Rats, cats and bones play a role in the exhaustion of this process. Rats are not mice, as they say. Cats might walk out and in, and are unknown in terms of certain location. Bones are my fundament, and my concrete to walk on. So to say, how does an individual walk through live, knowing that the glass look on my face is not always enough to trust? Knowing that there is more than a househould, a bionic era, and a world as I know it. We shall see what the future brings.

Thomas Vijn is vulnerable to psychosis and blogs for Psychosenet and PsychosisNet.

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