In the mental healthcare sector we like to hear stories from experience experts, because we can learn from them. We use certain methods for this. Narrative research, focus groups, and stories about recovery. They cover a lot of content, but there’s one thing missing: closeness – whether it’s about trauma, psychosis, or depression.

Because the most important thing about the experience is not expressed in words. It’s in the tone, the pause, the breathing that stops. The way that someone says: ‘you’re in a dark place’. That’s where the knowledge is; in the tone, and not in the letters.

Polanyi called that implicit knowledge. Things you know without having them explained to you in detail. People that know how to ride a bike, know how the handlebars work without knowing how to explain it. People who have suffered from psychosis, depression, or trauma, know something that you can’t explain it by writing about it.

But you can write a song about it

Listen to Carlijn. “What used to be broad, where there used to be air, what was once going somewhere, is now a dead end. And that is the trap. That’s what trauma does. The world shrinks, and forces you in a certain direction. A direction in which there’s no exit. You’ll find the same information in scientific literature about trauma and suicidality. In tables and charts. It’s in your body, before you’ve understood it.

Trauma support: And this is where it gets important

People who are in a tunnel filled with self-rejection don’t let words in anymore. Not because they don’t want to, but that’s how the trap works. Carlijn sings: ‘It isn’t unwillingness. It’s not weakness. It’s a trap. And the trap stops you from taking anything in. No Tik-Tok videos, no light. That’s why I can’t get there. I can’t get anywhere. Except for myself.’

This is knowledge for anyone who is close to someone who suffers from trauma. Things that are far away from her don’t reach her. Advice doesn’t reach her. ‘It will be OK’ doesn’t reach her. But what does reach her, is presence. Someone to walk along with. Not the whole way, just a bit. As far as she let’s them. Someone who is there – in real life, or via chat – as long as it comes from personal human involvement.

The importance of social holding

Compare it to cardiology. We don’t lower the number of heart diseases by training more cardiologists, but by encouraging exercise, food policy, cycle paths, and a smoking ban in the hospitality sector. Public health is up to everyone. But when it comes to trauma and self-rejection we are still using the old model. We refer people to a specialist and then we wait. Waiting lists get longer and longer, and even if a space opens up, the aforementioned trap doesn’t let the words in.

What does sink in, is a neighbour who walks with you. A teacher who doesn’t push the pupil away when they stop talking.  A colleague who doesn’t ask you what’s wrong, but just sits down next to you. A family member who doesn’t try to fill the silence.

This is called social holding. An approach, not a sentiment. It only works if everybody in our society starts doing this, not just healthcare professionals.

And that’s also in the song. Carlijn doesn’t sing ‘I’m going to save you’. She sings ‘I will walk with you. Not the whole way, but for as long as you let me. As far as I get.’ Realistic, Achievable. And everyone can learn how to do this. The neighbour, the teacher, the colleague, and the healthcare professional.