I got stabbed multiple times when I was 15, leaving a big scar on my leg. I barely wear shorts because of it. I was also shot in my leg when I was 17. Around my 20s, I got hit by a car, which left me really hurt. Being hit by the car was a suicide attempt while I was coming home from work.

I’m from the Bronx, and as I said, I don’t wear shorts a lot because of my scars, which comes off as weird to some people. I get the feeling that someone is always looking at my scars or judging me because of them.

PTSD Diagnosis

Around my 20s, I stopped smoking weed because I could barely keep up with myself and smoking. My aunt thought I should get tested, and I was diagnosed with PTSD. I had to stay in a mental facility.

At first, I felt nothing. Nothing was bothering me, nothing was wrong with me, and I felt perfect and in good shape. A few months passed, and I started having anxiety attacks. I felt slow, like I was losing grasp of everything. I felt like I was losing my grip on reality. I didn’t have much of an appetite, and I barely fit in. The friends I had stopped hanging out with me, and I started making terrible decisions.

Mental Health Struggles and Hospitalizations

After the first diagnosis came panic attacks, health scares, and anxiety. There would be days when I stayed home and didn’t take my medication. This was early in my treatment, and I would have behavioral problems. My parents would get me in the car by tricking me, and I would end up at the hospital and have to stay in a mental facility.

When I came out, I started taking the medicine. That’s when my second diagnosis came: paranoid schizophrenia. I was so innocent and not relying on anyone. I would not believe anyone because I could hardly believe I was in this situation.

Living with Paranoia and Voices

I would feel and think that people around me were trying to hurt me. I would also think they were talking about me. I felt like there wasn’t any meaning to life anymore.

After a while, I started hearing voices. I lived in upstate New York for a time, where things got worse. But it was also the same at home. I would hear things and feel like people were out to get me.

As time passed, I looked forward to staying in psych wards because I hoped to meet people, but I never really did. I never got used to it and began disliking the whole situation. I kept returning to a state of disbelief that this was happening to me.

Changes at Home

When I got home, things changed. My siblings looked at me differently, like I wasn’t a person anymore. I was on medication, not outside much, not with friends, and barely talking. I wasn’t the same person.

Without me being able to work, things got rough for my family. My symptoms also became harder to manage. I would stay out late, walking and roaming neighborhoods because I didn’t feel safe around my family or like I could trust them.

I would hear cars really loud, louder than normal. I would hear thoughts. I would hear what my neighbors were saying from houses down the block and up the street. Certain words and conversations would trigger me or affect me differently.

Further Difficulties

Then my parents stopped being home, and I got into trouble a lot. There was this thing about exposing evils that seemed important to my family. It got to me and changed me even more. I also started feeling pain that wasn’t real, which was part of my symptoms.

Eventually, I was hospitalized again and again.

Finding Housing and Stability

One time when I was hospitalized, they told me I couldn’t keep going back to my house. They got me into a program that helped people find housing.

Before I entered the program, my symptoms became less stressful. The main thing bothering me was a voice I would hear in my left ear and other strange voices that wouldn’t go away.

I got through the program, and they helped me get an apartment when I was 30 years old.

Living with trauma: Looking Back

So basically, I went to school and did excellent. I got injured a lot, and then high school came. I had jobs, but eventually I dropped out. Then I started suffering.

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Born and raised in the Bronx, New York, Elliott is 30 years old. Growing up, he received several awards and certificates at school and was part of a close church community. He experienced multiple injuries early in life, which had a significant impact on his journey. Over the years, he held a variety of jobs, with his favorite being working as a butcher. He later obtained his GED, a U.S. high school equivalency diploma, and continues to reflect on the experiences that have shaped his life.